3 Easy Ways to Create a Rest Haven at Home – Episode 24

3 Easy Ways to Create a Rest Haven at Home – Episode 24

by | Mar 6, 2024 | Leadership Confidence, Podcast | 0 comments

IN THIS EPISODE:

This episode discusses how to create a sanctuary at home for high achieving women. It emphasizes the importance of rest and restoration. The conversation covers designing a personal retreat space, establishing mindful routines, and creating boundaries with technology. The goal is to create a peaceful and empowering tranquil space in one’s own home.

Key Focus Areas:

  • 00:00 – Creating a Sanctuary at Home
  • 03:01 – Designing Your Personal Retreat Space
  • 04:12 – Establishing Mindful Routines
  • 10:59 – Creating Boundaries with Technology

Listen To This Episode:

Watch this episode on YouTube!

Crafting Your Sanctuary – Balancing Leadership with Personal Peace

In the high-stakes game of leadership, where decision-making, team management, and relentless drive dominate the day, the home can become more than just a place to rest—it can be a sanctuary. Our recent podcast episode, “How Women Leaders Can Create a Haven of Rest at Home,” delved into this vital aspect of a leader’s life. For the high-performing woman, balancing professional rigor with personal serenity is not just a luxury; it’s a necessity. Here, we expand on three key areas to transform your home into a rejuvenating haven, a place where you, as a leader, can refuel and reconnect with your inner self.  

1. Designing a Personal Retreat: Your Sanctuary Within a Sanctuary

Self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. It involves understanding your emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and the underlying motivations of your actions. This introspection enables you to lead with authenticity and confidence.

  • Creating Your Space: It doesn’t require an elaborate setup. A quiet corner, a cozy armchair by the window, or even a small garden can be transformed into your retreat. The key is to personalize this space with elements that resonate with you—be it soft lighting for a tranquil ambiance, an array of indoor plants for a touch of nature, or inspiring artwork that speaks to your soul.
  • Utilizing Your Retreat: This space isn’t just for show; it’s for active engagement. Whether it’s through meditation, reading, or simply sitting in silence, use this space to disconnect from the hustle and reconnect with yourself. It’s a physical reminder to pause, breathe, and recenter.

2. Cultivating Mindful Routines: Bookends to Your Day

The way you start and end your day can set the tone for your overall well-being. Mindful routines act as bookends to your busy schedule, offering structure and tranquility.

  • A Purposeful Morning: Begin your day with intention. A morning routine might include meditation, a fitness session, or journaling. These activities shouldn’t be rushed; they’re a time to set your intentions, gather your thoughts, and approach the day with a clear, focused mind.
  • An Unwinding Evening: Just as important is how you wind down. Evening routines might involve a digital detox, a relaxing bath, or time spent with a hobby. This is your time to decompress, letting go of the day’s stresses and preparing for restorative sleep.

3. Balancing Technology: Disconnect to Reconnect

In our digital age, technology is a double-edged sword. It keeps us connected and efficient but can also be a source of constant distraction and stress. Establishing boundaries with technology at home is crucial for mental peace.

  • Tech-Free Zones: Designate areas in your home where digital devices are not allowed. This might be the dining room, bedroom, or your personal retreat space. These zones encourage presence, conversation, and relaxation without the constant pings of the digital world.
  • Scheduled Disconnects: Set specific times when you will not check emails or work messages. This could be during meals, after a certain hour in the evening, or during your personal time in your retreat space. It’s about reclaiming your time and attention, allowing you to be fully present at the moment.

Transforming your home into a haven of rest is an empowering journey. It’s about creating a space that reflects and supports your inner peace and well-being. As you implement these focus areas, remember that they are not just practices but affirmations of your commitment to yourself as a person, not just as a leader. Your home can be a grounding force, a place where the vigor of your professional life harmonizes with the tranquility of your personal world. Embrace this journey, for in nurturing yourself, you are also nurturing your ability to lead, inspire, and thrive.

QUIT HUSTLE CULTURE & CREATE YOUR OWN RHYTHM!

Gain access to three valuable videos designed to empower you in breaking free from the hustle culture and establishing your unique Balanced Rhythm™ for work-life equilibrium. Whether you’re a dynamic executive professional or a successful entrepreneur, these videos will equip you with the tools to develop a life strategy that places you firmly in the driver’s seat. Opt-in now to unlock this transformative content with  3 MOVES TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS WITH SANENESS!
Get Free Access

Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts

Love the show? Leave a 5-star review and let us know! Scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.”

Get Connected with Maven Miara

Are you a dynamic female executive or women entrepreneur craving proven business growth strategies and leadership success? Do you yearn for more fulfilling work-life balance? Are you seeking unwavering leadership confidence as you navigate the complexities of life, all while maintaining your holistic well-being (spiritual, physical and mental)? Welcome to ‘Success with Saneness. This transformative personal development podcast is designed exclusively for high-performers who seek to excel in both their professional and personal lives with balance. Each episode features expert insights and thought-provoking discussions about building unshakable leadership confidence, business growth and designing harmony among them. Join your host, “Maven” Miara, a professional speaker, business strategist, leadership development facilitator and author. Embark on an enlightening journey towards success with saneness, where holistic care, confidence building, and leadership unite. To find out more, join the Maven Nation community by visiting miarashaw.com. Reach out to Maven Miara at: hello@miarashaw.com Website: miarashaw.com  /  Episode Website LinkedIn: @miarashaw  /  Instagram: @mavenmiara  /  YouTube: @mavenmiara

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Maven Miara (00:05.902)
Hey, Maven Nation, welcome back to another episode of Success With Saness. This episode is gonna be talking about something I would say that I would find it fun, and it's how do you create a sanctuary at home? Listen, as high achieving women, we are out a lot, doing a lot of things between work and maybe you're volunteering for something, and children, and...

partners and all of the things that we do. Sometimes it can feel like a whirlwind between meetings and decision making and being innovative and all of the things that we do. No complaints about that. That's what we enjoy. That's what we're created or built, I would say, to do. But you've heard me talk about in previous episodes about getting rest, making sure we're doing that.

So creating your own sanctuary or tranquility space to make sure you're getting restoration. So here's the first thing that I wanna share with you is designing your own personal space, your retreat space at home. So I have a question for you. What elements can you include in your personal retreat that give you a sense of peace and tranquility?

Now I'm not saying again that you need to go out and pay $20,000 for a bathroom remodel to put a sauna in and a now listen, if you can do it, but I don't want you to confuse with what I'm wanting you to think about creating your own tranquil and retreat space at home to associate that with only money. Maybe it's, um,

some candles, maybe it's some candles, maybe is having a glass of a cup of hot tea and you want to invest in a really nice tea maker, one that you can set to auto make or whatever you need. Again, I'm not talking about this space can only be done with some big ticket dollar item. Again, if that's in your budget and you wanna do that, go be great. But.

Maven Miara (02:32.594)
Don't discount creating a tranquil space for yourself just because this season of your life when you're seeing this video or listening to this podcast does not afford you a big budget to make these type of changes. Think about that. How can you make your bedroom more tranquil? What does that look like for you? Okay. Maybe it's new pillows. Maybe it's a new mattress.

nicer sheets. I don't know. Only you know the thing that is going to help you create a more tranquil space so that your home, your home is your sanctuary. That home could be an apartment, whatever it looks like. That is your space. I want you to be intentional to think about it that way. Again, we're out and about doing a lot of things, being great for a lot of people.

What about you? How do you get to come back home? Or even if you work from home, how do you get to retreat to a part of your home that

You can simply take a deep breath and unwind. Okay. So give that some thought. How can I make whatever that space is more tranquil, a retreat space for myself? Okay. So that's number one. Number two is how can you establish mindful routines? Okay. Mindful. And here's what I want to say around mindfulness.

Mindfulness is not just kind of this vision we see of us sitting still, eyes closed and practicing meditation. That's not the, that is a form of mindfulness, but that is not the only way to practice mindfulness. Maybe that's having a morning routine that allows you to not just pop up, get on your cell phone or on your computer and start working.

Maven Miara (04:40.498)
Maybe that morning routine includes you having some quiet time, maybe some physical activity. My morning routine includes stretching in the morning, not necessarily my physical activity that time of day, but some form of stretching, just kind of warming this 50 something year old body up. Okay. So what could that look like for you? If you're a person that does enjoy working out in the morning,

then maybe that's part of your morning routine. But I want you to think of your morning routine as it relates to your sanctuary, you creating this haven for yourself of not getting up and jumping straight into work, immediately forcing your brain into decision making processes. Maybe it's just a gentle start to your day. And what does that gentleness really look like? Only you can define that for you.

I'm giving you some ideas, some things to think about, some suggestions, but what does that look like for you? For me, it looks like starting with prayer, quiet time, some stretching. Oh, and my delightful cup of coffee. Of course, before I have the coffee, I have one glass of room temperature water, get the system awake gently without throwing the caffeine in there. Okay. That's what my morning routine looks like.

Am I successful at doing that every single morning? I am not. I am not. And I'm gentle with myself on that process. I don't beat myself up because I didn't get it done today. Now I will be intentional to hit reset the next morning and get back on task. Or if at some point throughout the day, I'm like, man, why am I feeling so rushed and anxious? And it's like, Ooh, I skipped past my morning routine. And if

In that moment, I can simply get still and just take some deep breaths and just allow myself to settle down. Then I then I've still gotten some form of mindfulness. Okay. So, so what does that mindfulness look like to you? Be intentional, take some time to figure out what are the things that you can, what, what can you put in your space to create your?

Maven Miara (07:05.582)
Haven at home, your retreat, your tranquil space. And then what is that mindfulness morning routine, even evening routine going to look like for you? For me, my evening routine looks more like the boundaries around getting off technology, not taking my laptop from my office on the second floor down to the living space downstairs. I don't take it because

If I take it, really I'm setting myself up to be on it, to keep working. Right. And although I enjoy my work and the things that I do, we still have to set some boundaries about downtime. Rest. Again, you'll keep hearing me emphasize that if you follow all of my episodes, we have to be intentional to allow ourselves as high performing, high achieving women to slow down. I call it.

downshifting to come out of fifth gear into fourth gear into third gear and the entire world the entire world is going to be fine while you sit your cape to the side sit your laptop to the side sit your cell phone to the side and be intentional about just time for you so

whatever that looks like for me, that's around maybe five something. When I finished working in my office and I head downstairs to start preparing dinner, I leave my laptop upstairs. That way I'm not setting myself up for failure to say, Oh, I'm just going to take it downstairs and you know, surf the web, look on Amazon or Nordstrom.com. No, I'm not going to take it. I'm going to leave it where it is again. That way I'm removing a barrier.

that is gonna entice me to keep, well, I'm just gonna reply to these three emails that I didn't get to, or I'm just gonna finish this one. No, it can wait until the next day. Now, understand this about these routines that I'm talking about. Maybe you can't get to your routine every single day. Maybe there is a day that's gonna require you to work a little later.

Maven Miara (09:30.338)
then you would normally wait, work. Maybe on a day you, you do kind of stop for me, my evening routine, I go make dinner. And then I have to come back up to my office or something. I have a board meeting or there is something critical that I do need to get finished that day. I'm not talking about those types of instances. I'm talking about what are you consistently doing? If you're consistently working, working all evening, every evening,

Yeah, that's an indication that there is an opportunity to create more balance. Remember, we're talking about creating this haven, this sanctuary at home for yourself. So if you're constantly working, when are you going to get to enjoy the sanctuary? OK, so again, I'm not talking about what you are doing here and there. I'm talking about what's consistent, what's part of your more frequent daily routine of doing that.

Okay. Now that's going to lead me to talk about the third and final thought that I want you to be thinking about on creating this haven at home, your sanctuary is how do you create boundaries with technology at home to foster a more peaceful, restful environment? That's it. How, what can you do?

that allows you to set boundaries around technology to create this sanctuary. In the example that I just talked about earlier, is that getting off of your laptop and working at a certain time of day and being done for the day? Is that getting off of your cell phone by a certain time so that your brain can start to downshift as I talk about. So when it's

time to get in the bed and go to sleep. Your brain has already had enough time to kind of cycle down off of all of the amazing things that you've been thinking about doing, solving, fixing throughout the day. Okay. You decide, you know what works for you, what doesn't work for you. And when we're thinking about these things, ladies, do what works for you. Again, I'm giving you suggestions, ideas, things to think about.

Maven Miara (11:56.79)
but I'm not saying what necessarily works for me is 100% going to work for you. You know what works for you. You know what that's going to look like. And here it is. It's some of it's going to be, you've got to figure it out. If you've never set boundaries around getting off your laptop at a certain time, maybe, you know, you are a person that's been taking your laptop to bed and you work until you just fall asleep.

I'm going to ask you to stop doing that today. But what does that look like that now that you're not doing that? What is that evening routine going to look like for me about eight 30? I start my bath routine. I'm a bad person. I love to take a bath, not necessarily a shower. And that is a whole thing of

taking my bath and relaxing and listening to music or watching something on my iPad, whatever that looks like, but it definitely doesn't include work, does not, okay? But that's kind of my full unwind relaxed because when I get out of the tub, listen about an hour later, now I'm ready to head to bed, okay? And whatever that routine is. So maybe that doesn't work for you.

but you've got to figure out what does work in it. Whatever you select doesn't work. Try something else or maybe it needs to be tweaked. Maybe it needs to be a job, whatever that is. Maybe your bad time routine includes a hot tea or wine, whatever it looks like for you. Now, I'm not encouraging you to have a glass of wine every night, but I'm just saying what does that look like for you to decide?

Okay, here's what I'm going to try when I'm creating my sanctuary, my haven at home. Okay. And it's not just about how it your sanctuary has to look a certain way. Aesthetics are important to me, but maybe they're not that important to you, but what works for you? Okay. Know that this haven, this retreat, this tranquility space in your home has to work for you.

Maven Miara (14:18.706)
And if you don't know what that should look like, feel like, smell like all of the things, just start, just start with something. Start with testing it out so that you can create a place that allows you to recharge, reflect and rejuvenate. All right. So Maven Nation, thank you for joining me for this episode of Success With Saneness. And here's to creating peaceful and empowering tranquil spaces Right in our own homes. So until next time keep doing your BAM Thang!

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Build Inner Strength and Confidence Through Pole Dancing with Kelechi Okafor – Episode 23

Build Inner Strength and Confidence Through Pole Dancing with Kelechi Okafor – Episode 23

by | Feb 21, 2024 | Leadership Confidence, Podcast | 0 comments

IN THIS EPISODE:

In this conversation, Maven Miara Shaw interviews Kalechi Okafor, an actor, director, author, and founder of a pole dance studio in London. They discuss Kalechi’s journey of starting the studio and the power of pole dancing as a form of empowerment. They also explore the concept of the erotic and its connection to personal strength and creativity. Kalechi shares her experiences writing books and the inspiration behind them. They delve into the Say Your Mind podcast and its role in giving a voice to important social issues. The conversation concludes with a discussion on the interconnectedness of destinies and the importance of living in one’s truth.

 

Key Focus Areas:

  • 00:02 Introduction and Background of Kelechi Okafor
  • 002:07 Starting a Pole Dancing Studio
  • 03:13 The Power of the Erotic
  • 08:01 Journey to Authorship and Exploring Twerk Classes
  • 17:41 Power of Voice and Podcasting

Listen To This Episode:

Watch this episode on YouTube!

Unleashing Potential Through Passion and Perseverance

In our latest episode, “How Inner Strength & Confidence Can Come Through Pole Dancing,” we delved into the captivating journey of Kalechi Okafor, an embodiment of strength, creativity, and resilience. Her story is not just a narrative of individual triumph but a beacon of inspiration for women everywhere, particularly those who dare to dream big and break barriers. This article expands on three key points from our conversation, offering insights and motivation for high-performing women leaders, entrepreneurs, and founders.

1. Embracing Your Unique Path: The Story of a Trailblazer

Kalechi’s journey began with a dream to be an actress, a vision that gradually evolved as she navigated the challenges and limitations within her industry. Her story teaches us about the power of embracing change and being open to new paths. When faced with obstacles, instead of succumbing to disappointment, she channeled her energy into exploring her other passion: fitness. This pivot was not a step back but a bold leap into a realm filled with possibilities

  • Key Insight: Life may not always go as planned, but every challenge is an opportunity to explore new avenues. As high-performing women, when one door seems to close, our creativity and resilience empower us to find new doors waiting to be opened.
  • Motivational Takeaway: Be fluid in your journey. Embrace the detours as they often lead to unexpected and fulfilling destinations.

2. Turning Anger into Action: The Birth of a Revolutionary Studio

Kalechi’s foray into pole dancing and her subsequent experience with discrimination fueled a transformative anger, leading to the founding of her pole dance studio. This was not just a business venture; it was a statement, a stand against stereotypes and limitations placed on black women. Her studio became a space of empowerment, where women could explore their strength, both physical and sensual, in a supportive and liberating environment.

  • Key Insight: Anger, often viewed negatively, can be a powerful catalyst for change when channeled constructively. It can drive us to challenge the status quo and create spaces where none existed before.
  • Motivational Takeaway: Harness your emotions as a force for positive change. Let your passion and conviction be the driving forces that turn challenges into impactful achievements.

3. The Power of Voice: Advocacy Through Podcasting

Kalechi’s venture into podcasting with “Say Your Mind” further exemplifies her commitment to using her voice for empowerment. By sharing stories and addressing issues often sidelined, she creates a platform for dialogue and awareness. Her podcast transcends entertainment; it’s an educational tool and a source of empowerment for her listeners.

  • Key Insight: Your voice is your power. In a world where many feel unheard, using your platform to speak up on important issues can spark significant change and inspire others to find their voices.
  • Motivational Takeaway: Never underestimate the impact of your voice. Whether through podcasting, writing, or leading, your words can be a beacon of hope, change, and empowerment.

Kalechi Okafor’s journey is a testament to the power of passion, perseverance, and the courage to redefine one’s path. Her story resonates with many high-performing women who navigate the complex landscapes of career and personal aspirations. Let her journey inspire you to embrace your unique path, turn challenges into opportunities, and use your voice to make a difference. Remember, the journey to success is not linear; it’s a rich tapestry woven with experiences, learning, and growth. Embrace your journey with confidence and let your light shine brightly in a world that awaits your unique contribution.

 

QUIT HUSTLE CULTURE & CREATE YOUR OWN RHYTHM!

Gain access to three valuable videos designed to empower you in breaking free from the hustle culture and establishing your unique Balanced Rhythm™ for work-life equilibrium. Whether you’re a dynamic executive professional or a successful entrepreneur, these videos will equip you with the tools to develop a life strategy that places you firmly in the driver’s seat. Opt-in now to unlock this transformative content with  3 MOVES TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS WITH SANENESS!
Get Free Access

Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts

Love the show? Leave a 5-star review and let us know! Scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.”

Get Connected with Maven Miara

Are you a dynamic female executive or women entrepreneur craving proven business growth strategies and leadership success? Do you yearn for more fulfilling work-life balance? Are you seeking unwavering leadership confidence as you navigate the complexities of life, all while maintaining your holistic well-being (spiritual, physical and mental)? Welcome to ‘Success with Saneness. This transformative personal development podcast is designed exclusively for high-performers who seek to excel in both their professional and personal lives with balance. Each episode features expert insights and thought-provoking discussions about building unshakable leadership confidence, business growth and designing harmony among them.

Join your host, “Maven” Miara, a professional speaker, business strategist, leadership development facilitator and author. Embark on an enlightening journey towards success with saneness, where holistic care, confidence building, and leadership unite.

To find out more, join the Maven Nation community by visiting miarashaw.com.

Reach out to Maven Miara at: hello@miarashaw.com

Website: miarashaw.com  /  Episode Website LinkedIn: @miarashaw  /  Instagram: @mavenmiara  /  YouTube: @mavenmiara

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'Maven' Miara Shaw (00:02.843)
Hey, hey, Maven nation. Welcome back to another episode of success with saying this. I am super, super excited today to have, listen, a new friend, a new connection in Maven nation all the way from London. Kalechi Okafor is, well, listen, we just met a couple of months ago. Well, by the time you see this, we met 2023 in the fall in Baltimore at a podcasting conference.

She doesn't know this, but I was already full working on my season two schedule and I intentionally left a spot open because I said to the team, I'm going to meet someone in Baltimore that I need to interview that I want to have on this. So it was very intentional. As soon as I heard her speaking, I'm like, she's the one she, she's the guest that I need to have. So listen, welcome to the show.

kelechi (00:47.453)
Mm.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (00:59.527)
Give us a little bit of introduction about yourself. Listen, I was scrolling all and digging through your Instagram and I was like, sis is over in Britain doing her thing. So welcome to the show.

kelechi (01:03.69)
I'm sorry.

kelechi (01:11.928)
Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, I'm an actor, director, as well as an author now. And I have I founded a pole dance studio in 2016 in London, South East London, and I do a lot of social commentary, you know, across the news platforms and things like that. And I also host a podcast called Say Your Mind.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (01:37.607)
Say your mind like that. That sums it up and says so much. I absolutely love it. So let's first start off with this wonderful pole dancing idea. And it's so interesting. Kalechi and I were talking before we started recording. Yes, she's a black Briton. I'm a black American. We're women. And the uniqueness and the barriers, struggles, listen, the distance of the pond doesn't really change them much.

kelechi (02:07.714)
Mmm.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (02:07.775)
It's so many similar things. So what encouraged you or gave you the idea of opening a pole dancing studio? And you know, I know some people here that they're like, oh my gosh, clutching their pearls and I'm like, yes, get it. That's because that's a power in a way, right? For a woman to be able to do that and be confident in it. Body wise, mentally, all of the things, you know, for those that's not your thing, don't do that thing.

kelechi (02:21.848)
Get into it! Get into it! Yes.

kelechi (02:30.107)
Absolutely.

kelechi (02:37.282)
I'm sorry.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (02:37.627)
don't hate on someone else that's doing a great thing. So what made you start that? And what does that do for the students or clients you're working with?

kelechi (02:46.93)
I started it, started Collection of Cough Pole Dance Studio because of Black American women. Actually, they were, you know, part of that sort of genesis. Why? Because I, you know, focused on acting most of my life. Oh, I'm going to be an actress. I'm going to be a famous actress one day. That's what I'm going to do. And then with the nature of, you know, misogynoir, you know, general anti-blackness, the way it works, and Britain.

at that point being very limited in terms of acting opportunities, hence a lot of black actors, black British actors going over to the US. I was still in Britain and I was working at a call center, you know, waiting for my big break. I'd go to an audition after audition. I just thought this is ridiculous. What else do I enjoy outside of you know acting? Well, fitness. I was sports captain, a sports captain in high school. I was also head of sports or you know sports captain again.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (03:26.29)
Okay.

kelechi (03:42.87)
while I was an air cadet. So there were so many different instances where I was just like, well, sports is my other thing. So I decided to train to become a personal trainer. So while I was doing the course, I continued working at the call center and I started gaining extra knowledge in that vein. And once I got my personal training business going, I started thinking, okay, what else can I do for myself? Because I was weightlifting, I've been going to the gym, I've been doing athletics for years. So what else?

you know, what else can I do? And I decided to try a pole dance class, especially because I remember when I was living in Atlanta briefly, I went to some clubs and I thought, you know, while everyone else was just like, oh my God, these women are so sexy, oh my God. Yes, they are and were, but I was fascinated by the strength that it required because I know that strength. Like I pulled myself up a rope before. So I'm like, why are they all going up and down that pole? The core must be tremendous. So.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (04:15.635)
Okay.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (04:26.917)
right?

'Maven' Miara Shaw (04:32.359)
Yes.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (04:39.74)
Yes.

kelechi (04:41.534)
you know, I kept that at the back of my mind. So when I was in London, I thought, okay, I'm gonna go try a class. And within six weeks, you know, I'd kind of zipped through the level I was at. I was zipping through another level. And then they said to me, oh, do you want to teach? You know, and so I started teaching for that studio. And they also asked me at that point, do you know how to twerk? I thought that's interesting. Do you ask every teacher if they know how to twerk? Like, you know, if they know how to twerk, why is it because I'm black? So I said, well, I...

'Maven' Miara Shaw (05:04.839)
What?

kelechi (05:10.646)
do this and I showed them what I do and they said, oh yeah, teach that. And the class became so wildly popular. I, we had to add another class that a timetable. So I thought, why don't I take this class across the UK? I reached out to a studio in Manchester, which is the North of England, reached out to them and I said, Oh, I would love to bring my twerk class to you. Cause I noticed that on their website, they'd written that Miley Cyrus was one of the originators of twerk. And I thought, see.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (05:24.755)
Okay.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (05:28.947)
Okay.

kelechi (05:39.794)
Now you are being inaccurate, so you probably need some education. You need somebody to come through and kind of like shake things up, you know, you know, shake things up a bit, season things up a bit. So I reached out and I said, you know, I'd love to come through and teach this workshop and the white studio owner, she reached back out and she said, thanks for your message. I don't enjoy your style of twerk. When me and my girls twerk, we put our knee pads on and throw down.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (05:45.86)
Absolutely.

kelechi (06:06.198)
So I went and looked at the video just to see what they were throwing down. And my God, my God, it was a catastrophe. Nothing was thrown nor was anything picked. It died. The music was over here. Their moves were over there. It was shambolic. And so I posted the videos side by side, a video of my class and a video of her class.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (06:12.731)
Thanks.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (06:25.048)
Oh my gosh.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (06:32.57)
Mmm.

kelechi (06:34.002)
online and I said and I also posted a screenshot of what she sent me and it went viral it went everywhere I said I'm just trying to understand because I sent her this video and she said I don't enjoy your duh so let's just look at what she is doing and um yeah it went viral and so many black American women were like why are you know even looking to work at somebody else's studio

'Maven' Miara Shaw (06:39.604)
You were like, I am not afraid of smoke.

kelechi (07:03.462)
open your own studio, do your own thing. And you know, the American women were very, very adamant. And they were like, you can start a crowd fund. You can do this. And at the time I was saving for a wedding instead of going ahead with the wedding, use the money instead plus crowdfunding to then open this small space. So that happened like, let's say January 2016. By August 2016, I'd opened my first studio. And I think that we talk about anger.

as if it's a destructive force. Anger, based on how you use it, can be such a liberating and constructive energy. Because I was angry about her response, I took that anger and I got to work. And between January and August, I'd opened my first space. And that's how I've kind of been here ever since. After a year, I couldn't contain the classes in that studio, so I closed it and opened another one in 2017.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (07:35.216)
Right.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (07:43.579)
Yes.

kelechi (08:01.158)
in South East London and Peckham, the first one was in East London, opened this one that had two rooms instead of one. And I've been there ever since. And it's now what, 2023, you know, that, you know, I've been doing that.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (08:12.399)
Yes. Wow. Listen, I love the whole story. And I... Ha ha.

kelechi (08:17.908)
Hahaha!

'Maven' Miara Shaw (08:20.947)
Sometimes we just have to show people this this. OK, this is what it is. So and you mentioned the American women. Were these women there in London? OK, this is just followers and supporters. Excellent.

kelechi (08:22.96)
Yeah.

kelechi (08:30.462)
no they were just on the internet yeah just yeah just on the internet and they just looked at it and they said no and i think that it was important to mention about it being black american women because there was an enterprising spirit there that wasn't necessarily there with the black british women at the time that's not to say that black british women aren't enterprising it's just the culture that we have to navigate means that we would have been furious that woman did that to me we would have had a whole discussion about it and then done that's it

'Maven' Miara Shaw (08:44.816)
Yes.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (08:50.172)
Yeah.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (08:57.999)
Right. That's me. Okay.

kelechi (09:00.15)
done. But then since then I've noticed a marked sort of improvement in how many businesses we now have that are you know confidently black woman owned. We have so many wonderful businesses popping up now and I love that because we are seeing that we have to do for ourselves if we want to continue.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (09:12.765)
Yeah.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (09:20.367)
Yeah. I love it. Listen, that whole story is simply inspiring, right? You said it best. You took a moment of anger and used it to change, to do something you wanted to do. Again, I'm always talking about the power of community. Your social media community, go for it. Get it done, do it yourself. Giving you the ideas and the support, and here you are years later, still.

kelechi (09:47.926)
Yeah.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (09:50.251)
empowering women through pole dancing classes. You're right. Listen, I work with a personal trainer and I work out consistently. But listen, that pole, that's, listen, you better have it together.

kelechi (10:00.818)
This is really something and you know, there is a power in the erotic. Audre Lorde talks about it, the power of the erotic. Sometimes we because of the way that's a patriarchal society operates, we conflate the erotic with pornographic, you know, and they're not the same thing. We are we all create from an erotic space, whether we call it that or not. And so that energy is our driving force. And we.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (10:15.922)
Yes.

Correct.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (10:23.696)
Right.

kelechi (10:29.238)
we do ourselves a disservice when we kind of listen to the ways in which, especially as black women, we've been hypersexualized. So we don't want to engage with the erotic, especially not in an overt way, in a overtly sensual way. But that in and of itself is our power. If we look historically, the ways in which that we've been depicted, the ways that, when we think about Sarah

We think about Josephine Baker, we think about Nina Simone, we think about all of these women and the way that they were depicted to us as over sexed, like all of these things. And so we don't wanna be that, we wanna be respectable. And that means that we then shut off that sacred energy, that driving force that allows us to create in a way that means that we become immortal, right? From that energy. And so.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (10:57.991)
Yeah.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (11:03.123)
Thre-

Mm-hmm.

kelechi (11:21.526)
with the twerk classes that I was teaching as well as pole dance, I'm asking for us, women specifically, but anybody of any gender expression to come back to source, to come back to that power, to the power of the erotic, using it to build physical strength, because it's no joke to get up that pole and swing yourself around, but at the same time, building up the sensual strength that I can transmute.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (11:42.365)
break.

kelechi (11:48.423)
this energy any which way I desire. Like you become an alchemist.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (11:53.203)
I love that. Listen, so well said. I have never heard sexuality in erotica and power explained so well together. So let's, let's switch gears for a little bit. You recently came out with a book edge of here. Then I was on your Instagram and saw strong like me. I was like, wait, what is going on here? So tell us about the two books. I know strong like me is a children's book.

kelechi (12:00.663)
Hahaha!

kelechi (12:09.577)
Yeah.

kelechi (12:21.143)
Yes.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (12:21.583)
So cute, beautiful cover. But Edge of Here, is that more fantasy?

kelechi (12:28.122)
Yeah, so that's um, so as you've hear is speculative fiction is what I'd call it, you know mixed with Love and the protagonists are all, you know black women. So I wanted to write it because I love technology. I use technology a lot and I think that we are science fiction black women. We are That's how it is really. Um, we have been imagined from consciousness

and we are here and every time we're blowing people's minds. If you think about Henrietta Lacks and the way that her cells were used over and over and over again, without her family's consent, without her consent, but the fact that her cells could do that, I'm just like, it's been clear from the beginning of time that there is something so special, so magical about what we are and who we are. And yet the vilification that we see in mainstream media,

'Maven' Miara Shaw (13:03.879)
Absolutely.

kelechi (13:22.174)
opposes this reality that we know. We have therefore been made science fiction. So I wanted to explore that further where my protagonists, some of them have special powers, some of them are just interacting with technology. So it's kind of like Black Mirror but Black women and better.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (13:28.573)
Right.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (13:40.781)
I love that. So we'll be dropping the links to that book and then tell us a little bit about Strong Like Me.

kelechi (13:49.13)
Strong Like Me, I just, yeah, I love it. It's a picture book for children from zero to six, but I say that it's for everybody's, for everybody's inner child. So we meet Kamara. Kamara is the little girl who has a lot of strength. She's super fast. She can do all of these things. She's just very physically capable, but her friends around her in her class don't like that she's so strong.

because first of all, girls aren't meant to be strong. And then, you know, she's just doing all of these other things. So it's the journey that Kamara goes on to love her own strength, regardless of what anyone has to say about it. Because statistically speaking, around 15 years old, I know, definitely in the UK, young girls drop out of sports and they drop out of sports because it becomes this whole thing of like, oh, but you're a girl, you're not meant to be doing sports. You're not. You're a girl.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (14:36.187)
Mm-hmm.

kelechi (14:43.382)
don't be strong because you're gonna look like a man. And all of these things are said to deter girls, deter women from any sort of physical strength. But then if we then look at the expression of gendered violence, I feel like if women were stronger, we would have some, we would be able to fight back in certain regards. It doesn't solve everything, but it is something. And so when I think about...

'Maven' Miara Shaw (14:59.471)
Yeah. Right.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (15:05.968)
Right.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (15:09.788)
Yeah.

kelechi (15:11.85)
women like Serena Williams and how she's depicted as an ape sometimes and people made fun of her because of her physique and I had similar happen to me when I was younger because you know I was doing athletics And you know various sports when I was growing up. I remember friends would say to me

'Maven' Miara Shaw (15:16.38)
Yeah.

kelechi (15:28.25)
oh yeah, you know, you're so muscular, you're so athletic, you can't be more muscular than your boyfriend and things like that, that would put me off enjoying my body and the things that it's able to do. If 37 year old me now could do what like 16 year old me was able to do, ah, I would be laughing. I would be laughing. But you push it down because of what other people are saying to you. So strong like me is that reminder.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (15:31.579)
Right.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (15:45.938)
Right.

kelechi (15:55.118)
not just to us as adults but to the little children and growing up that there's nothing wrong with having the strength that you have especially little black girls there's nothing wrong with being like strong fast all of these things own it own it celebrate it because my god one day you'll be glad that you did

'Maven' Miara Shaw (16:09.683)
brightened.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (16:15.023)
Yeah, I love that. And here's the current, consistent current under all of the things you've talked about you're doing is lifting others up, getting people to believe their power, their strength. Absolutely love that. So this next shift we're going to take is your podcast, Say Your Mind, which when we first started talking, when you were talking on the stage in Baltimore, that's a little bit of what you were talking about.

kelechi (16:25.555)
Yes.

kelechi (16:34.741)
Yes.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (16:45.095)
And I find it, again, incredibly strong that after your runs, you have your phone out, you're sharing the thoughts of the day or whatever has happened on the news or the missing black person that has, you know, been body has been discovered and you're sharing that and you're not using your voice just for, hey, look at me.

is to bring enlightenment, to bring light and really shining light on some things that people would prefer. Like, let's just let this all go away. So what did your podcasts of your mind start out with that in mind? Like, this is the goal, I'm gonna be talking about these things. And how have you seen that grow? And I would imagine really giving power to other people to also

use their voice. I think in one of your videos, I saw you say that other people at the end of their walk or their run was also sharing some message at the end of that.

kelechi (17:51.597)
Yeah.

Yeah, I'm loving that I'm seeing that now because I feel like for me, I always talk about the fact that running for me is a moving prayer. You know, it's my time of connecting with spirit, thanking God for my lungs, thanking God for my heart. Like sometimes those runs feel brutal, gosh, but just doing it and thank being thankful the whole way through. I know that it centers me and then it gives me this clarity of mind. And then suddenly something that I've been really grappling with, trying to find the words for.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (17:59.187)
Oh, I love that.

kelechi (18:22.14)
of the words that you know they make themselves known so I you know really appreciated that and ultimately I started Say Your Mind because initially it was about me not being erased I don't want to be erased that I ever existed I was here like this is why I'm doing this why because I remember writing a thread about Muhammad Ali years ago when he passed away and I could because I noticed that the media outlets kept saying things like

Oh, Muhammad Ali, he transcended race. He transcended race. And I was like, what are you talking about? It's like, you're almost saying that he's now being bestowed the biggest honor that a black person can get, which is to transcend race. And there was something very problematic about that because we know that we now see many people trying to transcend race. So I'm not like the other black people. Look at me, because I don't do that. And then they're met with the stark kind of realization that you can't.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (18:56.051)
Thank you.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (19:04.347)
Right.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (19:19.791)
You can't. Yeah.

kelechi (19:20.606)
you cannot transcend race and if they give you that title it's because you are no longer a threat because you're dead you know and so and you see that in a way that we see the ways in which people conflate and misconstrue and misuse the words of Martin Luther King Jr. they rarely try that with Malcolm X they rarely try that with Malcolm X because he was it was very clear

'Maven' Miara Shaw (19:27.203)
Right. Yeah, yeah.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (19:44.848)
right.

kelechi (19:46.838)
that don't, you know? And so it was interesting why they wanted to then try it with Muhammad Ali, but it's because as he grew older, maybe that fighting spirit, those very acerbic words that were very clear on his stance, you know, they couldn't, they could play with him in his later life because they felt that they'd almost softened him up and they pacified him. And so I wrote this long thread about that and how it even interlinks with when Kanye has shared some

'Maven' Miara Shaw (19:47.271)
Yes. Yeah.

kelechi (20:16.162)
frustrations online in the past thinking that by marrying somebody like Kim Kardashian, by doing this, by doing that, that he would, you know, one day be able to break through this ceiling and then he'd be somewhere else. And he was frustrated when he realized that he could not. And so I wrote this thread. I went back to go and look for my thread one day and it was no longer there. Don't know what happened to it. It was just no longer there. And I thought, okay, I've said to people that I'm not going to start a podcast because I don't have time for it. But in that moment, I knew I had to.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (20:25.084)
Yeah.

kelechi (20:45.782)
So my things couldn't just disappear because they're on somebody else's platform. So that's what led to me starting the podcast. But then once I started it, there were so many stories I wanted to talk about. There were so many things that I wanted to kind of shine a light on that was happening all around the world. And then it just took on, the podcast took on a life of its own. It no longer became about me, it became about us.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (20:49.683)
Thanks for watching.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (21:06.211)
Okay, okay. I love that. And you know, these, that strong voice, oftentimes, you know, I think when the person that has, I call it the capacity to be the strong voice, then others can come and say, well, here's my story also. So it gives other people a place, a safe place to come and share their story, which is, you know, the...

kelechi (21:26.3)
Mm-hmm.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (21:34.707)
thought that I share with people that everyone is not waiting for Maven Myra. Someone's waiting for you. If you're not doing the thing you're assigned to do, who else are you holding up? If you were not using, say your mind as a platform to share stories, how many other people's stories would not be out into the world?

kelechi (21:56.894)
Absolutely, that is a word. Gosh, because I've spoken about it previously on the podcast as well, that a blessing isn't a blessing unless you're blessing somebody else, right? And somebody is, as you say, waiting for us right now to give ourselves the permission to speak our truth to power, to be exactly who we were destined to be. And by doing that, they see it and they go, oh, it's possible for me too. And not even just that they see it, but for instance,

you're working on a script or I can't be the one to write it. I don't have the talent. But by you not writing that script, there's an actress or actor somewhere that cannot have their moment, the moment that they emerge into the public consciousness because your script has to happen before their thing that can happen. Our destinies are interlinked for a reason. Like God didn't flop on that part. It was made so. If we do not live out our destinies, we hold up.

other people's destinies. So if we are truly thinking about being of service and being of service not just to ourselves but to the world, then it's important for us to boldly, courageously live in our truth because somebody else's life depends on it.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (23:12.291)
I love that. And listen, no truer words have been said that we are all connected. I'm in Houston, Texas. You're in London. We are still connected. We talked about doing, looking at doing other things together. Other the destinies. Um, and I love the way you place that, like that person, that actress can't get their time. If the person that needs to write the script is so worried that it's not perfect.

kelechi (23:18.132)
Mm.

kelechi (23:26.987)
Yes.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (23:41.207)
And that, well, what if they reject it? All of the things get, listen, um, men and women, but my audience is definitely predominantly women do the thing you're assigned to do. Do it scared, do it. Um, and it's we're not looking at perfection. Deliver excellence. Excellence is doing the best you have with what you have right where you are. Do that part. If we take the steps, then

kelechi (23:59.113)
No.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (24:10.159)
the journey is going to bring us the other people we need to make the improvements. Like if we it's just moving past fear to take that first step and your journey. You wrote the post about Muhammad Ali and then that platform deleted it. I'm going to start a podcast, the decline of proper twerking classes. No.

kelechi (24:32.289)
Mm.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (24:39.035)
I'm opening a studio, right? I love that you're sharing with us how someone else's no means, okay, that's a no for you. That doesn't mean that's a no for me and to keep going because these different things you've done, the pole dancing studio, the podcast have led and touched so many other people in your lifetime that if you had not done it, what, what would those people be? Where would they be?

kelechi (25:08.822)
Where would they be? Where would they be? And realizing how much people, like so many people stopped me in the street on the daily basis saying how much the podcast means to them, how much my videos on social media mean to them, how much my, you know, just my general posts across social media through the years, how much it means to them. And I never thought that this was what I was meant to do. My, if you asked me to write out my plan, my destiny, it was like, yeah, feeling cute, gonna be a famous actress, thanks so much, done.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (25:28.965)
Right.

kelechi (25:37.002)
But those skills are transferable. Those same skills, you know, you act on stage, that means you can do public speaking. And so that public speaking aspect of it is what I'm then using, you know, the quick wit, the humor, the memory, because with the scripts, you have to remember things, you have to memorize. So that means I memorize a lot of dates, facts before going on the news to say certain things. Facting requires you sometimes to improvise. So sometimes you go on the news to go and talk about something, they put someone wayward as your opposition.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (25:43.003)
Yeah.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (25:49.405)
Yes.

kelechi (26:07.118)
to debate with you, you have to know how to pivot, you have to know how to quickly pick up what they're trying to throw down and you keep it moving because you have to arrive at your point, right? So looking at how, what I thought I was gonna do, I was looking at the seed of the thing, not knowing what was programmed into the seed and what that seed would then go on to be, right? I'm just seeing a seed, it goes into the soil, done, that's me done, not thinking about what tree that is growing on, growing.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (26:22.652)
Okay.

kelechi (26:36.334)
to then be and ultimately I'm learning all of the time because I often forget that rejection is redirection. It's redirecting us back to self, it's redirecting us back to purpose, it's redirecting us back to source. And oftentimes I would forget that. I still forget that now, something I don't book a job and I'm like, and I'm going off, I'm fuming. But then I have that moment of stillness and I think, but I have not been failed yet. Every point.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (26:44.336)
Yeah.

kelechi (27:05.694)
you know, I look at what happens, I go and do the next thing and the next thing. And then what I have is much better than what I thought I should have.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (27:14.127)
Yeah, I love that. That is, that is a, a perfect wrap to say the maving quote of I call, there's a quote I use that says go BAM, which stands for bust a move, do your thing. Again, you're going to do it with flaws. You're going to do it imperfectly. Um, sometimes you're going to redo it. There's a U-turn around about all of the things. There is nothing, any of us, um, that people look at.

kelechi (27:30.014)
Yeah.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (27:43.239)
that follow that say you're the successful one. There's nothing we produce created that has been perfect. That has been without some pain, some growth, uncomfortableness, all of the things. But that is the power of within us to keep going and to never let the outside voices say you're not capable. You can't do it. Um, because we need, we need more collection. We need more myras in the world.

kelechi (27:59.534)
Mm-hmm.

kelechi (28:05.567)
Yeah.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (28:13.307)
And ladies, if that's you, we're waiting for you. When someone's waiting for what you have, someone's waiting for you to write the book, to write the script, to do the talk, to send the email to whatever it is. So when you see this video, wherever you are in your journey, use it as encouragement to say what the seed I have is not just for me. This is

This is something being planted to grow into something much bigger. And someone's waiting for the gift that I have. And listen, I, when my friend told me that 10 years ago at this point, it felt like the biggest weight ever. And I looked at her like, why would you say that? She just said, imagine if you're not doing what you're doing, how many women you're holding up? And I wanted to fold inward, like, and now it's my reminder when I'm tired.

kelechi (29:05.706)
Mm.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (29:09.243)
When I'm frustrated, when I get the know that, yes, I can rest, I can regather, but I absolutely cannot quit because someone's waiting for me to do what I'm supposed to do so they can go do what they're supposed to do. So listen, grace to you all the way in London to keep doing the amazing things you're doing. If I'm in London, we're definitely going to connect in person. If you're in Houston, uh, we'll need to connect. Have you been to Houston?

kelechi (29:19.301)
Mmm.

kelechi (29:33.258)
Yes?

kelechi (29:38.362)
No, but one of my best friends from high school, she lives in Katie now, so I absolutely have to come through.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (29:43.495)
Girl, I live about 10 minutes from Katie.

kelechi (29:47.914)
Woo! Ha ha ha!

'Maven' Miara Shaw (29:51.219)
There it is. Well, you're gonna have to come see the best friend, Katie. We will all have to connect, because literally, we're like literally in Northwest Houston and that's 10 minutes or so from Katie. Yes, love it. Listen, thank you so much for joining Maven Nation today and sharing your beautiful insight. Again, I just love the undertone of all that you're doing of empowering others and letting them see their light and using their voice to also be leaders.

kelechi (29:54.506)
Yes.

kelechi (30:02.098)
Perfect.

'Maven' Miara Shaw (30:19.139)
So Mava Nation until next time, keep doing your BAM thing.

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Why Emotional Intelligence Matters for Leaders – Episode 22

Why Emotional Intelligence Matters for Leaders – Episode 22

by | Feb 6, 2024 | Leadership Confidence, Podcast

IN THIS EPISODE:

This episode focuses on developing emotional intelligence for future leaders. The host emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence in handling criticism, praise, and interactions with others. The three areas of focus discussed are self-awareness and reflection, empathy for other decision-making processes, and regulating the decision-making process. The episode concludes by highlighting the continuous growth and journey towards becoming better leaders.

Key Focus Areas:

  • 00:00 – Importance of Emotional Intelligence
  • 01:28 – Self-Awareness and Reflection
  • 04:24 – Empathy for Other Decision-Making Processes
  • 09:29 – Regulating the Decision-Making Process

Listen To This Episode:

Watch this episode on YouTube!

Cultivating Emotional Intelligence for Empowered Leadership

In our recent podcast episode, “Developing Emotional Intelligence for Future Leaders,” we delved deep into how enhancing emotional intelligence (EI) can significantly elevate the leadership capabilities of high-performing women. Emotional intelligence is more than a buzzword; it’s a critical skill set that can transform how you lead, communicate, and inspire those around you. This article expands on three key focus areas discussed in the episode, providing additional insights and actionable steps.

 

1. Self-Awareness: The Foundation of Emotional Mastery

Self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. It involves understanding your emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and the underlying motivations of your actions. This introspection enables you to lead with authenticity and confidence.

  • **Practice Regular Self-Reflection**: Dedicate time each week to reflect on your emotional responses and interactions. This could be through journaling or meditation. Ask yourself: What emotions did I experience today? What triggered these emotions? How did my emotions influence my decisions and interactions?
  • **Embrace Vulnerability in Seeking Feedback**: Reach out to trusted colleagues or mentors for honest feedback. This can provide invaluable insights into how your emotions and actions are perceived by others, opening pathways for growth and improved interpersonal relationships. 

Remember, self-awareness is an ongoing journey, not a destination. It requires continuous effort and honesty with oneself.

2. Empathy: Fostering a Culture of Understanding

Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, is a powerful tool in a leader’s arsenal. It helps in building strong, supportive teams where each member feels valued and understood.

  • Prioritize Active Listening: In your interactions, focus entirely on the speaker. Active listening is not just about hearing words but understanding the emotions and intentions behind them. This practice not only garners respect from team members but also provides deeper insights into their needs and concerns.
  • Create Safe Spaces for Open Communication: Encourage your team to share their thoughts and feelings. This could be through regular one-on-ones, open forums, or anonymous feedback channels. A safe and open communication environment fosters trust and loyalty, crucial for team cohesion and effectiveness.

Empathy in leadership goes beyond just understanding; it’s about taking actionable steps based on that understanding to support and empower your team.

3. Emotional Regulation in Decision-Making

As a leader, balancing emotional insights with rational thinking is crucial in decision-making. Emotional regulation doesn’t mean suppressing emotions but understanding and managing them to make informed, balanced decisions.

  • Identify and Manage Emotional Triggers: Recognize situations or interactions that trigger strong emotions. Develop strategies to manage these triggers, such as taking a moment to breathe, stepping back to analyze the situation objectively, or seeking a second opinion.
  • Balance Emotion with Logic: When faced with a decision, consider both your emotional intuition and factual data. This balanced approach ensures that decisions are not just emotionally driven but also grounded in reality and practicality.

Embracing emotional regulation leads to decisions that are not only effective but also empathetic, aligning with the overall vision and values of your leadership.

Integrating these elements of emotional intelligence into your leadership style can dramatically transform your effectiveness and impact as a leader. It’s about leading not just with the mind but also with the heart. As you embark on this journey of emotional growth, remember that every step you take not only elevates your leadership but also inspires those around you to reach their full potential. Let’s continue to foster a world of emotionally intelligent leadership, where empathy, understanding, and balanced decision-making are the norms, not the exceptions.

 

 

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Get Connected with Maven Miara

Are you a dynamic female executive or women entrepreneur craving proven business growth strategies and leadership success? Do you yearn for more fulfilling work-life balance? Are you seeking unwavering leadership confidence as you navigate the complexities of life, all while maintaining your holistic well-being (spiritual, physical and mental)?

Welcome to ‘Success with Saneness. This transformative personal development podcast is designed exclusively for high-performers who seek to excel in both their professional and personal lives with balance. Each episode features expert insights and thought-provoking discussions about building unshakable leadership confidence, business growth and designing harmony among them.

Join your host, “Maven” Miara, a professional speaker, business strategist, leadership development facilitator and author. Embark on an enlightening journey towards success with saneness, where holistic care, confidence building, and leadership unite.

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Maven Miara (00:03.242)
Hey, hey, Maven Nation, it's Maven Miara. And welcome to another episode of Success With Saneness. Today's episode is going to be about developing emotional intelligence. I'm saying for future leaders, but of course it's for all leaders. I focused on future leaders in the topic because maybe you're a new leader or you haven't yet stepped into management.

And that's something that is in your goal is something you wanna do. So the emotional intelligence question really helps us focus on really for me, the maturity level of your emotional intelligence. How do you handle criticism? How do you handle praise even? How are you interacting with other people? Maybe those are people reporting to you or simply people on your team.

is what I want us to think about. Balancing emotional intelligence is a landscape. It requires us as leaders to be flexible, it could be daunting. Oftentimes, it could even mean putting someone else's emotions ahead of yours. I'm not talking about in a damaging or harmful way, but simply giving someone else the space to

kind of maybe that's let their emotional intelligence, maybe that's not as mature as yours, come to the surface. While you as the more mature emotional intelligence person kind of gives them space to do their thing. So I'm gonna talk about three areas of focus around this emotional intelligence. And the first one is self-awareness and reflection. That simply means

understanding your own emotional intelligence capacity. No one can know that, but you, you hear me saying that. Oftentimes, no one will know what your best is about, what your limit capacity of these things are, but you, no one will know better than you. And maybe you're saying, well, maybe I don't really know that's okay. That's not a problem. Here's how you solve that.

Maven Miara (02:28.23)
You begin to spend time, quiet time with just yourself and you listen to yourself. Just, just listen or watch, be intentional on noticing how you behave, how you react to things. Uh, again, no one is going to understand or know your emotional intelligence better than you. That includes understanding your strengths.

your weaknesses, your drivers, what's critical for you, what you can go, that's good to have, but it's not a big deal for me. Okay, so here's an example of that. I am a quick decision maker. I don't need a ton of data to make a decision. Once I feel like I have the critical pieces necessary to make a solid decision, not a rushed decision or a hasty decision,

but a solid decision, I'm okay to make that decision. Okay. That also can lend to me not being as patient. That's an observation I have of myself with people that do need more information. I call that wanting perfect information. They want to see the data, the backup, the support, read the 10 articles, all of the things. Nothing wrong with that. We don't all have the same.

a decision making style or abilities. But because I know my emotional intelligence of being able to make quick decisions. And even if that decision is the wrong decision, not the best decision, I'm okay to make a pivot, a turnabout, a U-turn, whatever the decision now needs. I'm okay to do that. So that leads me to

being aware, my emotional intelligence, that if I'm interacting with someone that is not as quick on the decision making, and again, I wanna emphasize, that doesn't mean that their decision making process is wrong. It's just not the same as mine. This is where the emotional intelligence comes in. I just simply need to be aware of that, and then I need to have enough maturity to say, I've gotta give that person a little more time.

Maven Miara (04:53.886)
a little more space, whatever it looks like. Now, obviously if there's a deadline, a decision has to be made in a timely fashion, but just because someone isn't with their decisions, I have to have enough emotional intelligence maturity to say they need a little more space, even if they don't ask for it, or maybe they're not aware that they're

asking for more data or for more information or whatever it is, when I might think they have enough information to make the decision that we need to make, I've got to be able to be mature enough to say,

what they need is not going to make us miss a deadline or whatever. I can give them the space to read the extra article or dig through the data a little bit more. Again, your emotional intelligence maturity level has to be understood by you so that you know, um, what, what might be a trigger for you? Um, someone making a slower decision could be a trigger for me. Okay.

but I have to be aware of that. And then how do I give grace or space for that so that I get what I need, which is ultimately the decision made and the other person or team members also if they need more space that they're allowed that. And now we all win. Everyone has gotten what they need in this decision making process and we, and we're fine. But if I,

rush that personal demand that they make the decision right now, or think through the decision process, how I do it. Okay. Yeah, we can come to a decision, but is it going to be a win win? Probably not because that person's going to feel rushed, unseen, unheard, all of the things. So be self aware about your emotional intelligence. And again, know the things that trigger you that cause you to

Maven Miara (07:03.758)
cut off other people, not give them space. Again, that's something I still have to be very on top of is not cutting someone off when they're asking the fifth question or whatever it is. Because in my head I'm like, this is the solution. I see it. Don't you see it? And maybe they don't, or maybe they just need a little bit more reinforcement. I've got to give space for that. That leads to focus area. Number two,

of having empathy for other decision making processes. Again, I'm not gonna say that a person that is able to make quick decision should be the lead or the leader or the best leader. Every situation doesn't call for that. But if we as leaders have to have the ability to again, have the empathy to share with

maybe other people that report to us or on our team or future leaders, emerging leaders to say, maybe we're a mentor or sponsor for someone to give them some guidance. And almost you could look at the foundation of that emotional intelligence maturity or growth at some level of empathy, some level of empathy that again, it doesn't mean that everyone's going to be

where I am because clearly there will be people ahead of me. We should be connected to people that are even stronger than us in this emotional intelligence, um, field in this area that we're talking about so that we can continue to grow. We can also be examples for other people. So just because my emotional intelligence, um, level might be higher than someone else. If I'm not using empathy,

to create space for someone coming behind more that's watching me or connected to me to also grow, then I would say maybe my emotional intelligence is not as strong as I think it is, right? Um, it doesn't mean I need to be critical of others or other people on my team. Create space, use empathy for that. So let's touch on this third area of focus around emotional intelligence.

Maven Miara (09:29.778)
And that's regulating the decision making process, balancing our emotions with rational is the key word here, rational thoughts. Um, because again, it could seem irrational to me that someone could need more information, more data, more time, all of these things. But, but is that very wrong?

rational for me to literally in that scenario, I'm saying to someone you need to be making decisions, how I make decisions that I have the best way to make all the decisions. And that is not rational. And us saying to someone, you know, I'm going to give you space or what is your decision? Let's, let's go with what you think. That's us.

regulating our emotions and using rational, rational again is the key word, thoughts about how we're going to move through this process. Because again, I want you to really think about this as a leader. If your team feels, suspects, and you have a history of showing that only

your decisions and your decision making process is the only way. I think you're shortchanging your yourself and your team. If they don't feel that they have the space to speak up, share their thoughts, their ideas, um, maybe something that's completely opposite of what you've laid out on the table. Then again, I'm going to challenge your level of emotional intelligence that you're displaying.

Okay. And getting that feedback from people you're frequently interact with, um, I think helps us continue to grow and develop our emotional intelligence because I could be thinking because I'm a quick decision maker, that's the best way I'm doing great. And, and what if there's a couple of people on the team that always feels rushed or not heard because I'm moving at such a quick pace. Okay.

Maven Miara (11:53.662)
If we can get that feedback from people that we're working with most interacting with, then we can get confirmation. Yes. You know, I'm using great emotional intelligence, or we might get some feedback that says we're not doing as great as we thought we were. Okay. And that gives us an opportunity to grow, which also shows other leaders.

and inspires them that we're all still growing, all still growing. And just because we have, uh, growth pieces that we do, that we embrace, doesn't mean that we're not, that we're failing in some way. Right. Um, I don't know that this emotional intelligence is if you ever reach the final spot, like I've achieved all. So look at this as a journey.

as are so many other things that we do and develop as leaders, we're on a journey to becoming better. So Mavens, I hope these three focus areas on ways you can build your emotional intelligence can help your leadership style, not just for you, but also for your, for your team, for those you are working with. So keep focusing on leading with empathy, giving space to others to make their decisions.

and grow in their own emotional intelligence. And again, if you're a mentor sponsor for someone, give them that feedback, help them grow in this area. I think us being women, that one of the things, which is a stereotype nonetheless, that we're always being led by our emotions. We're making emotional decisions. I think the more we grow our emotional intelligence,

That's gonna help us with, again, that balance of emotions and rational decision-making so that we're making solid decisions and being solid leaders. So Maiden, thank you again for tuning in to another episode of Success With Samus. Remember, leadership is not just about what you do, but it is also how we connect with others, how we understand ourselves, and how those around us.

Maven Miara (14:18.842)
understand us as well. So until next time, keep doing your BAM thing. Talk soon.

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